Okay, I’ll be honest. Never in my wildest dreams did I think the career hunting process would really take 100 job applications. That figure was unthinkable. It was as unfathomable to me as 100 days of sobriety once was.
But once again, as luck (and destiny) would have it, it took pretty close to that goal (whaaaat!!) before I really started to see some traction. Suddenly, after only booking an interview every couple of weeks, a handful opened up in such fast succession, it felt like the Universe was having a great big chuckle at my expense.
Excited about each and every one, when my favourite of the bunch called to make me a verbal offer, I was positively thrilled!
And since the Universe has an absolutely hilarious sense of humour, the formal contract rocked into my inbox ten years exactly from the fateful day I resigned from my last corporate role. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like stepping through a portal of some kind.
And with that, it was official. I had transitioned from entrepreneur to employee.
I started in my new office just five short days later.
I’m not gonna lie; re-entering the workforce after a decade of doing your own thing isn’t easy.
The similarities with the early days of sobriety made my head spin. It was like entering a whole new world.
There’s the terror of the unknown, and discovering you need a completely different toolkit. There’s the shock over the loss of your old life, and doubts about whether you can even do this. There’s the change of identity, and a sense of being reborn, almost.
It’s no cake walk, and it’s not for the faint of heart.
And yet…? As much as I have days where I miss my old life, I don’t regret my decision one little bit. Quite the opposite. I feel incredibly grateful that I chose a new path when I did.
It really was time to let go. All those same (flashing, neon) signs were there.
It started with this old chestnut:
1. You try to set rules around your situation
As Dom and I desperately tried to cling to a business that was no longer working, you name it, we tried them all:
What if we just changed this offering, or brought that launch forwards?
What if we tried to source a loan to get us through our burnout and give us more time?
What if this was just a temporary blip and things would get better?
What if we worked 24/7, as hard as we possibly could until the end of the financial year, and then re-assessed the situation?
In other words:
What if I only drank on weekends?
What if I paced my drinks with my slowest drinking friend?
What if I skulled huge glasses of water in between each one?
What if I only drank on special occasions?
Oh, hello excuses, bargaining, and rule setting! If you find yourself spiralling in this direction, or thinking: once this next thing is done, then I’ll be happy, it might be time to question if the thing you’re trying to cling to is really the best thing for you.
2. It doesn’t feel the same anymore
In my final days of drinking, when my search for stories about sobriety promised that there might be a better way, my ever-so-stubborn denial finally began to fall away. I could no longer pretend or lie to myself. My drinking hadn’t felt like fun in a while, and I knew it. I felt it, even if I wasn’t yet ready to admit it.
Oh, snap.
In the beginning, I was positively giddy about our passion projects and brimming with ideas. I went to bed thinking about every aspect. Flashbulbs of inspiration popped into my head as I made breakfast. I talked about it with anyone who would listen. I imagined this little baby company of ours revolutionising the industry and changing the world.
Fast forward ten years, and it was a struggle to simply make it through the day. My dreams had stalled. My creativity stopped flowing. I was burnt out, and my situation wasn’t getting any better.
It reminded me of a great quote from Dr Gabor Maté's book 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts':
“Addiction is centrifugal. It sucks the energy from you, creating a vacuum of inertia. A passion energizes you and enriches your relationships. It empowers you and gives strength to others. Passion creates; addiction consumes...”
Even if those around you can’t see it, YOU know. If you’re not your best self - if your relationships are suffering, or you’re unhappy more than you’re happy - it may be time to let go.
3. When you think about continuing on this path, you want to take a nap.
Even the very thought of it zaps your energy.
On the flip side, if you think about what life might be like if you did make a change, you may feel terrified, but there’s also a glimmer of excitement, relief, or hope mixed in there somewhere.
It was the same when I contemplated sobriety as when I considered returning to the corporate world.
Spending weeks going back and forth discussing various options with Dom (what about contract roles, part-time positions, working full time for 6 months and then returning to the business, etc) felt truly awful.
But when I imagined having to come up with a ton of new products and marketing strategies in order to keep forging ahead, I realised just how ready I was for something new.
Whether it’s a job, a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a habit, your emotions are trying to tell you something. Tune in, ladylove. Your lagging energy levels could be a nudging sign that you’ve outgrown the situation.
Just as with drinking, ask yourself: do you really want to continue on the path you’re on… or are you just scared of the road untravelled?
Look, entrepreneurship can be amazing.
I’m not comparing it with the toxicity of drinking, by any means. Creative biz ownership is beautiful in so many ways, and I hope to do it again someday.
But I am likening the (often inevitable) burnout to that phase of knowing when to let go - that part at the end of a chapter when you know in your bones that you need to make a healthier choice for your life.
Along the way, it’s okay to grieve.
If you’ve never taken a chance on a dream you thought would last forever, you might not anticipate just how much grieving is involved. But like grieving any other ending in life, it comes in waves. It doesn’t just magically end when the new chapter begins (if only!).
Logically, we might know this path is better for us, but that doesn’t mean it won’t still bring up some big emotions. We can be relieved and hopeful and happier on this side, and still mourn parts of the old life we miss.
It’s also more than okay to focus on the joyful aspects.
To bravely embark on a new chapter or reach for a new horizon, trusting that it will eventually become the new normal. Any big life change is always scariest at the beginning, and it truly does get easier with every single step.
Best of all? You never know what awaits you. What if this new direction ends up being better than anything you could have ever imagined or planned for yourself?
I never imagined I’d love sobriety, and yet, here we are.
To my surprise, I discovered I also love being out in the world again, meeting new people and visiting local cafes. I relish the challenge of learning new skills and expanding on my old ones. I don’t even mind answering to someone else. In fact, it feels great to have someone else (besides me and Dom) shouldering the responsibility for keeping the company afloat!
I also really enjoy being part of a team again. I hadn’t realised how much I’d miss it. And I really, really love the guilt-free time off!
One of the biggest downsides of being a business owner (as much as I adored it) is that it’s 24/7. It’s all-consuming. You’re never off-duty, and any time off you do decide to take, costs both you and the business. It’s this very aspect that can make it such a dangerous recipe for burnout.
And now?
I’ve been in my new role for 6 whole months, and to say it was a huge adjustment feels like a massive understatement!
But these days, I feel pretty great about where I’m at. I’m loving the sensation of substance beneath my feet.
And for the first time, I can see that maybe this turn of events was a good thing. Maybe I needed this kind of reliability and financial stability to allow me to focus on writing this publication and new books (without all the stress of running a business!). I’m hopeful and excited about the possibilities ahead.
As much as I tried to fight it, maybe a new chapter was just what I needed.
Maybe it’s just what you need too, angel.
Look for the signs.
Trust your heart and gut.
Be brave.
Take a deep breath, and let go…
There may just be a ton of magic waiting for you on the other side.
Always rooting for you and grateful you are sharing this new adventure.
Thank you ❤️